SO the Oncologist made her recommendations and I think I might have shocked her by telling her that I had not, at that time decided to do treatment. She recommended Three rounds of chemotherapy and radiation. I think I forgot to mention that there were a number of scans, CT, PET, all of which were annoying.
I went home and meditated on the subject, for a good while. A few weeks. My dilemma was that I've taken a look at my life up until that point and decided that if that was all my life was to be, then I didn't want it. I still don't want that life. I'm sure that at some point I'll write about that, just not today. But I took a few weeks and decided that if I could be happy, after treatment, then I would do the treatments. I know there are no guarantees in life, no format or road to happiness. Nothing like that.
So I decided to do the treatments. Chemo was first and I'm going to try to explain what it felt like for me. I know it's not the same for every patient, but here's how it was for me.
They would dose me with a heavy dose of Benadryl, I'm guessing to counteract any possible allergic reactions to the R-CHOP
- R – rituximab
- C – cyclophosphamide
- H – doxorubicin (hydroxydaunomycin)
- O – vincristine (Oncovin ®)
- P – prednisolone (a steroid).
This took, I am not kidding, over eight (8) hours the first time. It came down to around 6.5hrs for the second and third rounds. Somehow I was exhausted. I was weak and tired and slept a lot. I wasn't nauseated the first day, but the second day, I was ready to puke at the drop of a hat. Fortunately for me there had been some previous coordination for some natural herbal remedies to help with that. Also every time I felt the need to vomit, I ate something. Sometimes snack crackers, watermelon was a life saver, as it not only put something solid in my stomach, but helped me keep hydrated, sometimes pistachios, a slice or two of cheese, yogurt and ice cream. (SIDE NOTE: Despite being lactose intolerant, ice cream didn't bother me at all during chemo, not sure if the meds they had me on did that or what.) I was one of those odd people who actually goinge weight during chemo. Many people lose weight due to their not wanting to eat because the meds make you sick. During the first round I did take some of the anti-nausea meds, after the second round I took none. I stuck to the herbs I had and eating whenever I felt the need to throw up.Hope that hard fought for experience helps anyone who might read this. I'm not talking out of my ass, I've gone through it. Speaking of which...
Diaharrea! I had severe diaharrea every day. Not hugely bad cramping, but I didn't shit anything solid for weeks. That was miserable, though it was also very regular. It wasn't a sudden and explosive type of thing. At first I thought that it might just be the lactose intolerance, but even when I stopped eating ice cream, it continued. So that part wasn't any fun. I did spend a lot of time in bed, thinking, playing X-Box One, watching Netflix and youtube, I spent so much time in bed that I was sore and achy. In hindsight, I should have bought a new mattress before chemo. SO advice to anyone about to do chemo, make sure that you love your bed and that your mattress is aas comfortable as can be. The back and leg aches were some of the worst muscular pain I have ever experienced. Sitting and laying in my bed for hours and hours upon end, days at a time. I would take hot baths to relax my muscles then climb back into my bed. You figure out the logic there.
I would take a week off of work and then go back in just to have my boss send me home. I would work modified shifts, starting with three hours and building up to my normal shifts over a week or so. I got lucky that I have a really good grouo of co-workers and my Store Manager and his boss were great to work with me. Had I still been with my previous employer, I can state as fact, that they would have fired me. I sweated off and on almost constantly, had a special mouthwash, was sore and tired and sluggish.
Being the way I am, maybe it's carry-over behavior from the Army, I would get to work and do as much as I could and completely wear myself out. Then sadly end up sitting on a chair watching whoever else I was working with do the work that I should have been doing. Perhaps I was more of a hindrance than a help. My boss would plan for my returns after the first one and fill my sad three hours with small or short, little tasks which I didn't need to stand through nor exert myself. I felt useless, and that was hard.
So during round three.
So I finished the three rounds and went back to Dr. Ule, who ordered an Echocardiogram, and found that there was some damage caused by one of the meds. SO off to Cardiology I went to find out that the damages should repair itself over time. Then I started where I am as of this writing.
I'm doing Radiation. This in some ways is harder than chemo was. Most of the time I feel fine, but I do wake up with sores, almost like ulcers in my mouth. My throat hurts and often I am very tired. I have some difficulty maintaining my attention on things where I didn't before. I have to really force myself to focus to get anything done. WHile writing this I've been forcing myself to look at nothing but the keyboard. I don't really type, I hunt and peck with six fingers. I do get swollen spots on my tongueand it feels like the gumline on the left side where they shoot the radiation is receding. Additionally I regularly have headaches that nothing seems to help with. That's where I am to this point. I'm not even going to bitch about the drive.
So that's all I have for now! Aside from this damn headache.
